Time and again, I don't learn. Time and again, I can't handle it. Time and again, I've hurt you. It hurts me more and more each time I do it.
I was being insensitive and mentioned patients are in deficiency and that makes them wake up earlier, that they are less than human that's why hospitals open at an hour unfitting of humans.
I saw the warning signs:
1. Silence
2. Avoidance of all eye contact
3. Lack of response to physical contact
Yet i knew not how to respond, i didn't realise what i said hurt you (that you perhaps identified yourself as the target of my statement), i thought that you were mad that I've said something so politically incorrect, but i didn't know it was insulting to you.
I tried what i always did, asked if you want to talk about it; tried a few new things, asking for permissions, just being there, not taking the attention away from you, asked for your forgiveness.
The moment i knew that i had hurt you, that i was yet again the cause of your unhappiness, i felt like crumbling. It's so hard to remain calm and to hold on to you when insides all i want to do us just curl up and roll away so that I'll never hurt you again. A contemplating for what felt like an eternity, you said "i forgive you, but it stills hurt". I really wonder if I'm worth all this agony, maybe it's my punishment for all the misdeeds I've done.
I want to learn, i want to be better.
`Yet it failed;-
09:29
